Beware To Use These 53 Dark Jokes In Front Of Your Friend

Dark jokes is a humor about taboo and weird things in life. That’s why there is a sarcasm and satire element on dark humor jokes. Dark jokes often performed by stand up comedian.

As one of the social criticism medium, dark humor jokes often used as a medium to critic the social problem, such as corruption, discrimination, and economic issue.

Not often, many comedians with dark jokes style having a trouble with law.

That’s why to interpret and enjoy dark humor jokes, need high IQ (Intelegent quotient) and EQ (emotional quotient), IQ is needed to understand the comedy side in mourning situation, while EQ is important because when you feel too emotional or too sensitive it’s not easy to accept dark jokes humor.

If you understand dark jokes with “conventional” way, you can be offended when you hear the dark jokes.

With those “special” terms and condition, dark jokes is not for everyone.

Not like Dad jokes or Knock-knock jokes that you can play with your children or during a family reunion, it needs a special audience to perform a dark humor jokes.

If your audience cant relate with your jokes, they can insult you or more far, bring this case to police.

Beware To Use These 53 Dark Jokes In Front Of Your Friend

1. “I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.”

2. “Priest: “Do you have any last requests?”
Murderer sitting in the electric chair: “Yes. Can you please hold my hand?”

3. “Siri, why am I still single ?!” *Siri activates front camera.*

4. A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
“You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains.
“I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

5. “Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.”

6. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
“I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!”

7. Patient: “Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous.” This is my first operation.
Doctor: :Don’t worry. Mine too.”

8. “My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.”

9. What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student.
The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “
Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked.
The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

10. “They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.”

11. “You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.”

12. “How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”
“None, they all sit in the dark and cry.”

13. “Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?”
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

14. “The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.”

15. Man with cancer: “How much time do I have left?”
Doctor: “Ten”
Man with cancer: “Months? Weeks? Days?”
“… Nine. Eight …”

16. “My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.”

17. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained.
“We just tell them they’re going to die.”

18.”You’re not completely useless.You can always be used as a bad example.”

19. “I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.”

20. “Why are friends a lot like snow? If you pee on them, they disappear.”

21. “What’s the special in a restaurant for cannibals?”
Heads, shoulders, knees and toes

22. “The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.”

23. “Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.”

24. “How do you know you’re ugly? If you always get handed the camera for group photos.”

25. My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
“She obviously has COVID,” my wife said.
“Why?” I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, “Because she has no taste”

26. “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.”
“So we stopped playing chess.”

27. Grandma: “Most people your age are married by now, why aren’t you?”
Me: “Most people your age are dead by now, why aren’t you?”

28. “Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!”

29. “What’s the best part about turning 60? No more calls from life insurance salesmen.”

30. “Why do vampires seem sick?”
They’re always coffin.

31. “My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

32. “Why don’t cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste funny!”

33. “Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!”

34. Man: “I work with animals.”
Woman: “That’s so sweet. I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?”
Man: “I work in the butcher shop up the street.”

35. Wife: “I want another baby”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one”

36. “What did the cow say to the leather chair?”
“Hi, Mom!

37. “My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf”

38. “When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic.”
I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

39. “Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?”
“Just stand in the middle of a busy road.”

40. “What’s the difference between a dinosaur and a lump of coal? Sixty million years.”

41. “Never break someone’s heart. They only have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.”

42. Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George”

43. “When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark. But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light!”

44. “Life is like a peepee It’s often hard for no reason.”

45. “What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer.”

46. “Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!”

47. “I had a crush on my teacher, which was confusing, because I was homeschooled.”

48. “I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.”

49. “Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.”

50. “Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.”

51. “Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.”

52. “I love telling jokes about orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?.”

53. “Just say NO to drugs!”
“Well, if I’m talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.”

Once again, knowing your audience is important when you plan to use a dark jokes. Even they are your friend, make sure they has the same frequency with you.