100 Seinfeld Quotes Which are Full of Funny and Inspiring Jokes

Seinfeld Quotes – You can’t miss with Seinfeld which is divided into 9 seasons. Seinfeld is an American sitcom television series created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld. The series aired from July 5, 1989 to May 14, 1998.

The series was always threatened with cancellation at first, but began to explode in the third year and especially the fourth year.

Controversial story topics and unique comedic style made it the number one series in the US until its ninth year.

After that they did not renew their contract and the series was discontinued at the height of its fame.

Especially in the early years, each episode always begins and ends with Jerry doing standup comedy with a theme related to that week’s story.

Many unique things were discussed by many people about this series, starting from the style of language, the stories contained in the presentation made many people more interested and got a lot of interesting public attention.

The American sitcom television series also received good response and awards and nominations which led to the great success for this sitcom.

There are also many interesting things that we can discuss in the following Seinfeld which is full of inspiration and entertaining jokes from the following quotes below.

For that, here are 100 Seinfeld quotes that bring humor full of meaning and inspiration to all of us.

Seinfeld Quotes Which are Full of Funny and Inspiring Jokes

1. “Say you got a big job interview, and you’re a little nervous. Well, throw back a couple shots of Hennigan’s and you’ll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time. And because it’s odorless, why, it will be our little secret.” – Kramer

2. “I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate, I’ve got it all!” – George

3. “Hey George, what do you like better? The ‘bro’ or the ‘mansiere’?” – Frank Costanza

4. “George, we’ve had it with you. Understand? We love you like a son, but even parents have limits.” – Frank Costanza

5. “No one is touching my feet. Between you and me, Elaine, I think I’ve got a foot odor problem.” – Frank Costanza

6. “It’s a pizza place where you make your own pie! We give you the dough, the sauce, the cheese… you pound it, slap it, you flip it up into the air… you put your toppings on and you slide it into the oven! Sounds good, huh?” – Kramer

7. “You’re a rabid anti-dentite! Oh, it starts with a few jokes and some slurs. ‘Hey, denty!’ Next thing you know, you’re saying they should have their own schools.” – Kramer

8. “They don’t have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy, the oranges are dry. I don’t know what’s going on with the papayas!” – Kramer

9. “If everybody knew everybody, we wouldn’t have the problems we have in the world today. Well, you don’t rob somebody if you know their name!” – Kramer

10. “It’s not fair people are seated first-come, first-served. It should be based on who’s hungriest.” – Elaine

11. “If you want to make a person feel better after they sneeze, you shouldn’t say ‘God bless you.’ You should say, ‘You’re so good looking!” – Jerry

12. “My dream is to become hopeless.” – George

13. “Is it possible that I’m not as attractive as I think I am?” – Elaine

14. “I’m out there, Jerry, and I’m lovin’ every minute of it!” – Kramer

15. “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry

16. “Why does everything have to be ‘us’? Is there no ‘me’ left? Why can’t there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish?” – George

17. “I just couldn’t decide if he was really sponge-worthy.” – Elaine

18. “He stopped short? That’s my move. I’m gonna kill him!” – Frank Costanza

19. “A preemptive breakup. This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up, which she would do anyway, but at least I go out with some dignity. Completely turn the tables. It’s absolutely brilliant.” – George

20. “Jerry, my face is my livelihood, my allure… my twinkle! Everything I have I owe to this face.” – Kramer

21. “I don’t even care about cops. I wanna see more garbage men. It’s much more important. All I wanna see are garbage trucks, garbage cans, and garbage men. You’re never gonna stop crime, we should at least be clean.” – Jerry

22. “The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.” – George

23. “It’s the best part. It’s crunchy, it’s explosive, it’s where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I’ll tell you. That’s a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.” – Elaine

24. “Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?” – Jerry

25. “I’m busting, Jerry! I’m busting!” – George

26. “Oh, understudies are a very shifty bunch. The substitute teachers of the theater world.” – Kramer

27. “I don’t think George has ever thought he’s better than anybody.” – Elaine

28. “I think if one’s going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note, it’s common courtesy. I don’t know, that’s just the way I was brought up.” – George

29. “Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism.” – Jerry

30. “I’ll go, if I don’t have to talk.” – Elaine

31. “I can’t die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn’t die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?” – George

32. “He took it out.” – Elaine

33. “All of a sudden it hit me, I realized what the problem is: I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself! If anything, I need to get the exact opposite of me. It’s too much. It’s too much, I can’t take it. I can’t take it.” – Jerry

34. “The carpet sweeper is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since one-hour martinizing.” – Kramer

35. “You should’ve seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.” – George

36. “I want to be the one person who doesn’t die with dignity.” – George

37. “We don’t know how long this will last. They are a very festive people.” – Elaine

38. “Well, you know what they say, you don’t sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.” – Kramer

39. “Who goes on vacation without a job? What do you need a break from getting up at eleven?” – Jerry

40. “I’m going to save up every rupee. Someday I will get back to America, and when I do, I will exact vengeance on this man. I cannot forget him. He haunts me. He is a very bad man. He is a very, very bad man.” – Babu Bhatt

41. “Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.” – Jerry

42. “You’re through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. Next!” – Elaine

43. “You dipped the chip. You took a bite. And you dipped again. That’s like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it.” – Timmy

44. “But out of that, a new holiday was born. a festivus for the rest of us.” – Frank Costanza

45. “You can’t believe this woman. She’s one of those low-talkers. You can’t hear a word she’s saying! You’re always going ‘excuse me?’, ‘what was that?’” – Jerry

46. “Just remember, when you control the mail, you control… information.” – Newman

47. “Fake! Fake! Fake! Fake!” – Elaine

48. “I can’t stand kids. Adults think it’s so wonderful how honest kids are. I don’t need that kind of honesty. I’ll take a deceptive adult over an honest kid any day.” – George

49. “Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.” – George

50. “Hey! So what’s the deal with brunch? I mean that if it’s a combination of breakfast and lunch, how comes there’s no ‘lupper’ or no ‘linner’?” – Jeannie

51. “Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.” – Jerry

52. “That’s the bra I gave her, she’s wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. She’s a menace to society.” – Elaine

53. “I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.” – George

54. “Jerry, my face is my livelihood, my allure… my twinkle! Everything I have I owe to this face.” – Kramer

55. “I don’t even care about cops. I wanna see more garbage men. It’s much more important. All I wanna see are garbage trucks, garbage cans, and garbage men. You’re never gonna stop crime, we should at least be clean.” – Jerry

56. “The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.” – George

57. “I love the name ‘Isosceles.’ If I had a kid, I would name him Isosceles. Isosceles Kramer.” – Kramer

58. “I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. You wander through the desert for 40 years with that dry air. You telling me you’re not going to have occasion to clean house a little bit?” – George

59. “What is it about sleep that makes you so thirsty? Do dreams require liquid? It’s not like I’m running a marathon, I’m just lying there.” – Jerry

60. “I can’t do this anymore, it’s too long! Just tell your stupid story about the stupid desert and just die already! Die!” – Elaine

61. “Boxers! How do you wear these things!! They’re baggin’ up, they’re rising in! And there’s nothing holding me in place! I’m flippin’! I’m floppin’!” – Kramer

62. “Yeah, I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to give up.” – George

63. “What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.” – Jerry

64. “I’m speechless. I’m without speech.” – Elaine

65. “When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.” – George

66. “It’s the best part. It’s crunchy, it’s explosive, it’s where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I’ll tell you. That’s a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.” – Elaine

67. “Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?” – Jerry

68. “Somewhere in this hospital, the anguished squeal of Pigman cries out!” – Kramer

69. “Listen carefully. My mother has never laughed. Ever. Not a giggle, not a chuckle, not a tee-hee… never went ‘Ha!’” – George

70. “I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.” – Elaine

71. “I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.” – George

72. “Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism.” – Jerry

73. “I’ll go, if I don’t have to talk.” – Elaine

74. “I can’t die with dignity. I have no dignity. I want to be the one person who doesn’t die with dignity. I live my whole life in shame. Why should I die with dignity?” – George

75. “What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses, like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?” – Jerry

76. “Can you die from an odor? I mean, like if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you actually die from the odor?” – Elaine

77. “You know, I got a great idea for a cologne. ‘The Beach’. You spray it on and you smell like you just came home from the beach.” – Kramer

78. “You have the chicken, the hen, and the rooster. The chicken goes with the hen… So who is having sex with the rooster?” – Frank Costanza

79. “Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?” George 80. “I will never understand the bathrooms in this country. Why is it that the doors on the stalls do not come all the way down to the floor?” – George

80. “the perfect thing you can do it for all your self.”

81. “Hey, how come people don’t have dip for dinner? Why is it only a snack, why can’t it be a meal, you know? I don’t understand stuff like that.” – Puddy

82. “Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?” – Jerry

83. “Look, I got a few good years left. If I want a Chip Ahoy, I’m having it.” – Morty Seinfeld

84. “Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel, Friday has a feel, Sunday has a feel.” – Newman

85. “How long it takes to find a bra? What’s going on in there? You ask me to get a pair of underwear, I’m back in two seconds… you know about the cup sizes and all? They have different cups.” – Frank Costanza

86. “Do you think it’s effeminate for a man to put clothes in a gentle cycle?” – Jerry

87. “Oh, understudies are a very shifty bunch. The substitute teachers of the theater world.” – Kramer

88. “I don’t think George has ever thought he’s better than anybody.” – Elaine

89. “It’s the best part. It’s crunchy, it’s explosive, it’s where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I’ll tell you. That’s a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.” – Elaine

90. “Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?” – Jerry

91. “I’m busting, Jerry! I’m busting!” – George

92. “I think if one’s going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note, it’s common courtesy. I don’t know, that’s just the way I was brought up.” – George

93. “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry

94. “Why does everything have to be ‘us’? Is there no ‘me’ left? Why can’t there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish?” – George

95. “I just couldn’t decide if he was really sponge-worthy.” – Elaine

96. “He stopped short? That’s my move. I’m gonna kill him!” – Frank Costanza

97. “A preemptive breakup. This is an incredible idea. I got nothing to lose. We either break up, which she would do anyway, but at least I go out with some dignity. Completely turn the tables. It’s absolutely brilliant.” – George

98. “I don’t even care about cops. I wanna see more garbage men. It’s much more important. All I wanna see are garbage trucks, garbage cans, and garbage men. You’re never gonna stop crime, we should at least be clean.” – Jerry

99. “The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.” – George

100. “I can’t stand kids. Adults think it’s so wonderful how honest kids are. I don’t need that kind of honesty. I’ll take a deceptive adult over an honest kid any day.” – George

Those are 100 Seinfeld quotes that inspire and bring a whole new joke space from the Seinfeld series above.